Why are there so many single black women?
Is it due to a large amount of black women being the main income earner in the home and earning twice as much as their male counterparts? Or is it another reason. Let’s take a look.
I came across this article by By Joycelyn Lewis, United Kingdom
As I read through this article I saw many common reasons that I also hear as a Relationship Mentor.
Could these reasons be true across the board of what black men really feel about dating black women, or is it that no one takes that time anymore to talk and get to know one another as you began to build your (First-friendship) then relationship?
Are we as black Men looking for or expecting our Black Women to act and be a certain way?
Black men, what is your expectation of a Black Woman?
PLEASE SHARE YOUR COMMENTS
The list below are the top 10 out of about 50 reasons why black men find it hard to date black women. However, in order for any black man to say these reasons are true across the board for black women, you can not go on what you see on the outside, what you hear, or what is presented on TV. You must first have dated other ethnicity, not just for the sex hookup, but a relationship.
1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted, irresponsible and regressive.
2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer have the patience to wait on the pursuit of a black man.
3. Black women are strong minded, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.
4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.
5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.
6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.
7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.
8. Black women are not as sexually open as other ethnicities.
9. Black women’s tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man’s struggles.
10. Black women do not cater to their men.
IS THIS TRUE?
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After conducting several mentoring sessions with single Black Women and black couples some women agreed to these assessments with reasons, while others disagreed with a negative connotation in their sentiments, placing blame on their partner.
On the other hand some black women shared speculations such as white women have low self-esteem and are easy to manipulate; white women are nasty, take abuse and will do anything to keep a Black man; white women are still considered trophies and Black women are considered big lipped, loud-mouth jigga boos that hold black men back. Black men are lazy and don’t want to be responsible or held accountable for their lives, their children, and their families; white women make it easy for them to escape.
“Coming to the defense of black women, I disagreed that black women hold Black men back. If anything a black woman will push her man to do better and stand by her black man.”
Dr. Charles Dean
Are black men lazy and don’t want to be responsible or held accountable for their lives, and their families?
Do white women make it easy for black men to escape from their responsibilities?
Please share your comment.
In my mentoring sessions other women were thankful for hearing what some black men actually thought about black women, rather than hearing it from some resentful loose-lipped, bitter and angry black women who probably holds valid reasons for their singleness, which may have nothing to do with other ethnicities, but with past relationship issues such as: being in dysfunctional relationships, past hurt, childhood, father figures, and many more. Although in some areas of this country society may no longer flinch at the sight of a Black man with a white woman, however, it is still apparent that some black women are still scarred by the neglect and oversight imparted by their counterparts.
IS THIS TRUE?
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Remarks from Dr. Charles Dean
Relationships in itself are hard. To have a successful relationship in this day and time you have to be willing to be opened minded, listen, communicate more than ever before and have the understanding of what a relationship is. Most of us were not taught how to have healthy relationships, yes they are hard to have, but they do exist.
You have to talk about your wants, needs, and desires. Your goals, dreams, and expectation from your partner. I’m not talking about your perfect man list or your perfect woman list because there is no perfect person.
People change, bodies change, attitudes and personalities will change but a foundation of true love will never change as long as your not afraid to communicate about changes. For so many of us, change is the hardest thing to do. We are set in our ways, and we feel that we have this dream of a happy relationship, and that may be true, however, people are not mind readers and won’t know if you don’t talk about it.
Some will say that other cultures (such as the white culture) are afraid of black men because of racism, while others would argue that not to be true with all of the multi-cultured relationships and mixed families.
The reasons why some black men no longer want to date black women is nothing new. These reasons have been around for decades. Black women have always been strong women, pillars of the family and stood by their black men, talked bad about, down to, and put through struggles since the beginning of time even through slavery, yet they still stand strong. So, for a black man to truly love a black woman he must first understand the black woman, just as black women need to understand black men.
Yes, black women are beautiful, sexy, and curvy, but to truly love a black woman it has to be more than a physical attraction, you must know her story of life.
Let me be clear, it’s not every black woman, nor is it every black man that speaks negative about one another, but social media and TV has somehow tricked our black women to airing all of their dirty laundry and problems making them look like the worst class of a human being.
Black women, you can break this curse that has been placed upon you. Have an open mind when dating and building a relationship, communicate and learn about each other, be open and honest, but first be honest with yourself and healed from your past hurts before jumping into a new relationship, if not it will only cause the same problems in your new relationship. You may never forget some of your past, but your partner will better understand you when he knows.
A great relationship takes time, and remember that all cultures have relationship problems it’s not just blacks.
Please join me next week as I continue with this segment and ask the question:
“Have Black Women become too successful with their careers that they are now suffering in their love lives?”
NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP!
Dr. Charles Dean – The Relationship Mentor